The ONE question that every pregnant person loves to hear! NOT!
Okay, let’s get real everyone. It is not something we want to hear, ever. It is no different than asking someone if they are pregnant just because they look pregnant-yeah oops.
My story: One of my first symptoms, besides Scarlett being very attached and needy, was being bloated. My entire life, I was able to push my belly out as far as I could and I’d look 6 months pregnant- it was a cool fun skill I had 😉 BUT my stomach naturally did this as soon as I became pregnant. How cute, she’s pregnant- OH MY GOSH, BUT SHE LOOKS TOO PREGNANT!
Listen, us mamas don’t get to control what our body is doing (I wish we did.) It is going through changes that we didn’t ever even imagine. And when I say that our body does what it wants when it wants, I mean it.
Your comment of “you’ve got to be more far along” or “is it twins?” or “is there more than one in there?” may seem like a small and even endearing comment, but it is not necessary.
No Betty, I am pretty sure I was ovulating on the days I was supposed to be, and I am pretty sure we did the deed on the day I remember. Thank you for your unsolicited comments but Betty, you can sit this one out.
My mental health takes precendents and is just as important as my physical health. The comments and rude conversations about what I do and do not eat only contribute to more pain and more mental drainage. The hormones, the anxiety, depression, and all around energy it takes to make this baby, is all so draining.
Before becoming pregnant I thought, it would be fun, my belly just grows, and the 9-10 months go by in a jiffy! Wrong! It has been fun because I am growing Elijah inside me and my husband and family are all thrilled for October to come. But let’s say, it has not been fun because every waking and sleeping minute, I am thinking: should he be moving, did I just hop a little too hoppy, ouch- that hurt my side- is that normal? is his brain developing normal? did all his fingers grow? Will he be okay!?!?!? Will I be okay!? My belly is growing, which means he is growing… but so are my boobs, so are the obnoxious pimples on my back (what is this crap), my butt and hips are growing, my hair is growing and looks awful, and my muscles- they just are not growing- lo! Also, these months are taking forever (even though I also think they are going by so fast) and I cannot wait to hold this little guy in my arms. However, this end result is very hard to always picture when you have all of the previous worries in your head too. -see, draining isn’t it? Also, telling a pregnant person, “don’t think like that, you just have to think positive,” is also very very bad advice and does not help.
I was getting this response a lot and one day I told someone what was going through my head before a doctors appointment and this mama responded with, “get used to it. it never goes away.” and this blunt and simple advice made me feel better and will stick with me forever. She didn’t just leave it at that, she did say that she always worried about that through all 4 pregnancies and just because they are outside of you, doesn’t mean it stops. She said, it actually gets worse because you can’t be with them 24/7 to make sure they are okay. And this was the most relieved I had felt in months. I didn’t feel alone or crazy, or like the negative nilly I was being made out to be.
It is crazy to me that the women who have been pregnant, are the very first ones to comment or are a big factor to these issues. Betty, we do not all have the same story/process and you may never know what mine is like just because you had 7 kids. Each child is different, even if the woman is the same! We are in different places of our lives, our bodies can handle different things, and our minds are in different spaces. It is not fair to make a mama feel bad when you could’ve easily helped them feel better about themselves.
So how? I’d say you can start with just asking about the baby moving or our registries, or what we’re most excited for. A good conversation topic is our husband feeling/hearing the baby or how the other kids have reacted to the new baby. Ask if mama has been feeling okay, and when she tells you that she hasn’t, just go with it! Let’s make a more conscientious decision to leave rude pregnant-shaming comments at the door.